How do you learn to build bridges again after you've been taught the art of building walls? and

How do you learn to love again? Learn to trust again?

I feel like I need to address my issues with whatever's holding me back from trying again - from making more mistakes, better mistakes, wiser mistakes, so I can move forward from where I am now. Bitter.

It's as good a time as ever, considering I have this huge crush on this guy who is incredible and is my best friend and is just downright amazing. It's like deja-vu; a feeling I remember, but it's hard to tell if it's imagined or experienced.

It's laughing at midnight because I can't bring myself to say goodnight and all his jokes are so lame and silly and I just can't help but finding them funny. It's singing and dancing and air-guitaring at school because I'm just so happy and I don't want to tell anybody why. It's seeing him and getting the flutters in my tummy. It's talking about anything and everything and just having the best conversation of the whole day.

It's falling for someone again.

And that is scary.

I can see myself racing towards the cliff that I'm bound to happily tumble right off and free fall from but I just can't turn the vehicle around. At this rate, I'm going to laugh myself right off the edge and laugh and laugh and laugh until I hit the ground. Silly old me.

Watch me invest so much of my time, my heart, my hope into another guy.

I'm not trying to be a pessimist... It just, kinda, happens?

I just don't know how to let go of the past and step bravely into the future.

Yours most cowardly,
me.

I'm really, really, really, really tired of everything and

I don't know what to do about it.

Desperately yours,
me.