I think I want to be Marilyn Monroe in my next life... and

I'd love to live the life of a beautiful woman, desired by men and possessing a reputation I've been lucky enough to be blessed with. I'd be a lethal combination of brains and beauty. I'd change people's lives.

I think I'm going to go to the sixth form dinner as Marilyn Monroe. Now to convince my date to go as President Kennedy.

Yours clad in fake pearls and sipping on apple juice instead of champagne,
me.

I really really really want a huge hug... and

Loneliness (n.) - a complex and usually unpleasant feeling of emptiness and solitude with no established common cause, treatment and/or prevention.

I looked it up.

And then I took the UCLA Loneliness Test, out of curiosity. After scoring '33' which suggested extreme loneliness, I scrolled all the way down to the end of the page where I found a tiny, fine-print warning: This is not a diagnosis.

Loneliness as a social phenomenon isn't new to the world. It's as old as humans themselves are thought to be.

(I'm gonna go out on a limb here and assume that the Christian context is appropriate, but no offense to you if you're not a Christian, and that you're familiar with the creation theory of human existence.)

God made Adam. "And The Lord God formed man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and man became a living being." (Genesis 2:7)

And then Adam, in his awareness of all the things around him, found none to be his companion. "And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him." (Genesis 2:20) 

And then the Lord made him woman. "21 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; 22 and the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman and brought her unto the man." (Genesis 2: 21-22)

So not only is loneliness a social phenomena as old as the idea of socialization itself, but it is undesirable. So much so that the Lord saw it fit to create a whole being to satisfy the loneliness of one man; taking from him a rib, something so personal and dare I say necessary to create such a being.

Imagine being that first human. Imagine looking around at all the wonderful things that the Lord had made and noticing that you could relate to none of these things. Not to the flower, nor the fish. Not to the fowl of the air or the beast of the field. Despite the grandeur of all that he saw before him... there was something missing.

I promise that this post isn't about the story of creation, or even about Adam and Eve. This is about that something that's missing.

I'm not a super scholar or a genius. I'm not a psychologist or a sociologist. I know near to nothing of any incredible or notable depth on anything (except perhaps how much it sucks to be sixteen, how to procrastinate, how to complain a lot and how to need money while not having any). Because I can draw for a comparison from the Bible doesn't make me a credible researcher of any great degree.

But what makes me feel like I am capable of delving into the mystery that is human loneliness? Because I am lonely as f*#k.

I have 798 Facebook friends, I attend a school of almost 1800 students, I have a decent friend circle, I have a huge extended family which grows every single day and I have a cellular phone for which I paid more than it is worth.

And I'm still lonely.

It's a hunger, a deeper hunger than the hunger for food, that one has for companionship. For someone to understand them, to love them, to be with them.

You know that cliche idea that some people are so special that when they reach for your hand, they touch your heart? It's... kinda true. And it's such a cliche because people want that more than they want most things.

Like, for example, I really want a 32GB Product Red fifth generation iPod Touch. But I want someone to hold me really tightly and make me feel less alone more. No matter how many shiny toys you have to play with, nothing beats being loved by someone who seeks to give rather than to receive.

I just really need a hug.

Yours in loneliness,
me.

I am in need of a major paradigm shift... and

A vacation.

I really, really, really need a vacation.

I'm running on 15% battery life and the week hasn't started yet. Not to mention modular exams are right around the corner (December 3rd to be exact).

I think I'm just gonna cut off my hair, throw away any and all entertainment and social life I may have pretended to have and balance all my time between work and a convent.

Not like there are any jobs for this generation anyways.

Most exhaustedly,
me.