It's that feeling when everything has turned to shit, and

Everyone just seems to be leaving; to be walking away from you.

I know it's probably an exaggeration so you don't have to fucking tell me, but in the end isn't it just that if you don't leave then you're the one who's always getting left?

It's really just that simple sometimes. Things don't say the same, relationships don't last forever, etc. It really sometimes breaks down to the fact that eventually someone has to leave.

If you're not leaving, then eventually you'll be left.

It just sucks when you're always the one being left, and it's hard leaving all the time.

Currently, I am being left. My friends are moving to new schools, new towns, new countries, new continents. I am telling them all goodbye and waving as they start new chapters and move on with their lives. Day in, day out; I am here. I am saying goodbyes. I am preparing to say goodbyes.

Constant, (noun): A situation or state of affairs that does not change.

As far as the constant that is my life, I am constantly in a state of emotional distress. I am broken, bruised, scared, lonely, pensive, hurt, sad, insecure.

But I refuse to let depression win the fight in a war I wage against myself.

My friends will leave. Boys I like will leave. At the end of the day, I have me... and I need to stop making her my enemy.

Constantly yours,
me.

O1: Talk about your first time watching your favourite movie.

I'm gonna call my favourite movie 'Moulin Rouge' for now, considering it's the one that always always comes to mind when I think about favourite movies (plus anything by Nicholas Sparks, but whatever).

The first time I watched Moulin Rouge was many, many years ago. I won't even try and figure out how many years exactly, but I know it's definitely been a while. I was looking for something to watch and flipping through TV channels and it was, just, there.

It was Nicole Kidman in red lipstick swinging to Diamonds Are A Girls Best Friend and then falling, and then it was Ewan McGregor writing about love. It was the innuendo in the scene where he pretends to be the Duke. It was Elephant Love Medley. It was the tango scene. It was... it was everything. 

I watched it again, the same day. 

And now I just really want to watch it again.

-

Found this list of prompts/challenges on Tumblr. Forty different suggestions of things to talk about. Haven't decided how often to do one, and I'm sure I won't do them all. Some of them are quite personal and I think I might just skip those. 

Hope is a thing with wings that sometimes flutters around inside my rib cage and sometimes lodges itself between two ivory bones and can't come loose... and

Tonight, hope is silent.

And my world may as well drop dead, she won't rise again perhaps til morning light.

me.