An introvert is not a person who hates people. That, my friends, is a misanthropist, not an introvert.
An introvert is not even a person who is shy, for one can be 'shy' but not necessarily 'introverted'. Shyness itself is understood as an element of social anxiety; where shy people exhibit apprehension or nervousness associated with interacting with other people, especially for the first time. While often the two exist simultaneously, they are not synonymous.
An introvert is quite simply a person who is energised by spending time alone, and exhausted easily by the company of others. The word itself means 'to turn inwards', and that should tell you a whole lot about the personality characteristics of an introvert.
So, of course, our introvert is a little more complicated that we initially thought. The typical assumption by people trying to identify an introvert, is that it's the quietest person in the room... and though they may be right, the most introverted (on a scale of relativity) person in the room could very well be the loudest social butterfly. That, my friends, is how introverts throw you a curve-ball.
"Spotting the introvert can be harder than finding Waldo. A lot of introverts can pass as extroverts." -Sophia Dembling, in a Huffington Post article. ...and she's very right. As an extrovert-masquerading introvert, it's easy to forget you're actually an introvert. Especially if you're a comfortable people-pleaser, because then you become preoccupied within a social setting with making people laugh, ensuring they're okay, being good company and so on and so forth.
Then the quietest part of yourself, the part that actually has needs, reminds you in a voice that steadily grows louder that you are tired. People have that effect on an introvert. The exhaustion.
This also has nothing to do with loving or hating people, for even the company of those you love the very most can be draining.
It's just that our introverted souls get weary, and sometimes we need to cancel a few plans, leave a weekend free and tuck ourselves into ourselves and hold our thumbs over the reset button. It's the only way we know how to survive this life.
There are other things about introverts too... Like sometimes, small talk makes me want to scream. The "Hey, how are you?" conversations drive me into a frenzy if I have to have them too often. Those trivial straws of conversation that people clutch at feel like they're literally going to drive me crazy. The "What's up?", to which people really only expect "Nothing much, how about you?" narrow my eyes into slits. I just don't like small talk... (Myth-busting time: "Introverts hate conversation." Most introverts love conversation... like, really, love conversation. Which is why we have that problem with small talk. It's impersonal, insignificant, and just generally a sign of poor conversation. Ask us about the universe. I dare you.)
And, sometimes, we feel like the sore thumb on a happy hand. Especially in huge crowds and at parties. It's easy to feel like you don't belong, as you watch what appears to be a large crowd of people simultaneously recharging their cells together, casually inquiring how life has been, what's up, and so on and so forth. Worse, at a party filled with people we don't know - because, really, it's not about the new people, but we'd rather spend time with people we already know. Which is inconvenient if your extrovert friends are busy building a totally new circle.
It's okay, we get it... you're totally tired of hearing what we think about the meaning of life, evolution, where we go when we die, what love means, why humans can't access their entire brain capacity, the size of the blue whale's heart, why poetry is lonely, why marriage is a failing institution, etc. etc. etc. We know we're kinda, sorta a lot sometimes. I spend a lot of time with myself, so I really know that my head can take me some places that overwhelm even me... so I totally understand if I come off as a cup of tea that's been steeping too long.
"Yes, I'd love to hang out with you," I will tell you at the beginning of the summer... and then by the end of June you have still yet to hear from me. It's okay. I do not hate you. I have not died. I am not going through a midlife or quarterlife crisis (I think? I have yet to be sure of this one). I'm just resting, at home, alone. Probably binge watching some series (Supernatural, if you were curious) and reading a couple of books (the Divergent trilogy, Eleanor and Park, James Dashner's Maze Runner trilogy, Sophie's World (again) and so on). Then, finally, when you make plans and insist I change out of my underwear and into something decent and comb my hair, you watch me steadily become drained. We have a wonderful time, but by the 5th hour of non-stop socialisation, I have started chewing on my lip. By the 7th hour, I have started to fold in on myself and occasionally zone out. God forbid we approach the 11th hour, I will be tearing out my own hair. I now need to escape, retreat into my shell and recover. "I had a great time today." I did, I mean it.
My favourite classes are large lecture style where the teacher can't notice me/call on me to answer even a question that I know the answer to, my favourite people are extroverts because they balance me out, sometimes I don't answer my phone when it rings because I needed a minute to prepare myself for the conversation and I rarely engage in text conversations that start with 'hey, what's up?', silence isn't a bad thing, I like driving alone at night (except when it's particularly creepy) and I very often use the excuse that my "people cup is empty" when I'd like to go home. Those are a few more things.
I could go on for hours about how I feel about certain social situations, but I do think there's going to be a point where it stops being because I'm an introvert, and just that I have a little social anxiety. So for now, this blog post is complete. Hopefully, there will be one to follow on how to love an introvert. If that doesn't appear, then know I tried and I couldn't. Edit: I finished the two part series! Yay! Part two on loving an introvert here.)
There are other things about introverts too... Like sometimes, small talk makes me want to scream. The "Hey, how are you?" conversations drive me into a frenzy if I have to have them too often. Those trivial straws of conversation that people clutch at feel like they're literally going to drive me crazy. The "What's up?", to which people really only expect "Nothing much, how about you?" narrow my eyes into slits. I just don't like small talk... (Myth-busting time: "Introverts hate conversation." Most introverts love conversation... like, really, love conversation. Which is why we have that problem with small talk. It's impersonal, insignificant, and just generally a sign of poor conversation. Ask us about the universe. I dare you.)
And, sometimes, we feel like the sore thumb on a happy hand. Especially in huge crowds and at parties. It's easy to feel like you don't belong, as you watch what appears to be a large crowd of people simultaneously recharging their cells together, casually inquiring how life has been, what's up, and so on and so forth. Worse, at a party filled with people we don't know - because, really, it's not about the new people, but we'd rather spend time with people we already know. Which is inconvenient if your extrovert friends are busy building a totally new circle.
It's okay, we get it... you're totally tired of hearing what we think about the meaning of life, evolution, where we go when we die, what love means, why humans can't access their entire brain capacity, the size of the blue whale's heart, why poetry is lonely, why marriage is a failing institution, etc. etc. etc. We know we're kinda, sorta a lot sometimes. I spend a lot of time with myself, so I really know that my head can take me some places that overwhelm even me... so I totally understand if I come off as a cup of tea that's been steeping too long.
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| Image "borrowed" from the Huffington Post article that I was reading, among others, to help with this post. Thanks HuffPost. You's the realest. Article here. |
My favourite classes are large lecture style where the teacher can't notice me/call on me to answer even a question that I know the answer to, my favourite people are extroverts because they balance me out, sometimes I don't answer my phone when it rings because I needed a minute to prepare myself for the conversation and I rarely engage in text conversations that start with 'hey, what's up?', silence isn't a bad thing, I like driving alone at night (except when it's particularly creepy) and I very often use the excuse that my "people cup is empty" when I'd like to go home. Those are a few more things.
I could go on for hours about how I feel about certain social situations, but I do think there's going to be a point where it stops being because I'm an introvert, and just that I have a little social anxiety. So for now, this blog post is complete. Hopefully, there will be one to follow on how to love an introvert. If that doesn't appear, then know I tried and I couldn't. Edit: I finished the two part series! Yay! Part two on loving an introvert here.)
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