Finally writing that second part to the introvert series, which I had intended to be long finished by now. Whoops. Here goes though. (Also, Happy 52nd Independence Day, Jamaica! This land I love!)
Before I even start, here's the disclaimer: you cannot take this as gospel. Do not quote the mandevillegirl's book of Luke chapter 4, verses 1-8 as the way, the life and the truth. I'm writing about introvert generalisations based on personal experience, preference, research and opinion. This is not the findings of a scientific study. Done. Talk. Uzimmi. Here are the steps to surviving your love affair (or friendship, I apologise - but the love I had intended this to be about was romantic love) with an introvert:
1) First, carefully assess your loved one for signs of introversion. Does your loved one require hours alone during the day? Do they frequently disappear on you, or "fall off the grid" every now and then? Not reply to your frantic Whatsapp messages or answer when you called them 8 times? When you do spend time with your loved one, do they often have lots of feelings or ideas to talk about? Do you notice that they abhor or detest small talks or catching up with people they bump into in public? Do they often curl into your side when introduced to new people or faced with a crowd of strangers? Would they rather pick seats in a movie theatre as far away from other people as possible? If you answered yes to any of these, suspect that your loved one is an introvert. If you answered yes to, like, all of these... not only is your loved one most likely an introvert, they are also most likely me. (Haha, I wish I was kidding.)
2) Don't approach dealing with your introvert by attempting to "fix" them. I assure you, your introvert is not broken. Or depressed. Or aloof. Or an asshole. (Unless they're actually an asshole, which would kinda suck.) Stop attempting to "draw them out". Stop suggesting that they be more "social". Chances are, they're social enough already - in exactly the most tolerable doses for their particular breed of introversion. Your attempts to "fix" your introvert will probably only frustrate them. Plus, eventually, you might be enough of a jerk to convince your introvert that they are actually as broken as you seem to think they are... and then your introvert will spiral into frustration with themselves at what is just how they are.
3) Introverts, however, are not delicate. Do not treat your introvert like they are always about to shatter into a million pieces. I assure you that while nobody enjoys being yelled at, yelling at your introvert when they are being incredibly ridiculous will not break them. Your introvert is not an infant. They're just a person, who you should respect and treat as you would treat any other person.
4) Give your introvert space. Please, please, please respect that sometimes your introvert needs some time and space to retreat into his or herself. Perhaps your introvert likes to take quiet bubble baths, or read books for hours at a time, or listen to a certain kind of music. All of this is simply their preferred way of spending time with themselves, which is most important for an introvert. Do not take it personally if your introvert seems inclined to spend a lot of time away from you. It really is just the way they deal. If they seem particularly grouchy, or snippy, or angry... it's probably not you. (Unless you done messed up, in which case you ALREADY KNOW IT'S YOU.) Just give your introvert time to charge up again.
5) Understand that your introvert is probably better at arguing than you are, in the long run. (Assuming that you are an extrovert,) You probably feel like you're particularly gifted with the snappy comebacks, and you quite possibly are... but your introvert will almost always be the better arguer. That is because a characteristic of an introvert is the fact that they like to think before they speak. An introvert is more likely to carefully weigh his or her responses before responding, even in more casual conversation. This is why introverts often come across as wise, or even sagely (haha) to extroverts seeking advice - quite simply because they tend to think before they open their mouths. So, understand then, that your snappy comebacks carry little weight... and if you keep pushing, your introvert may just school your ass and hand it to you on a platter with a spoon. ("Eat. my. ass," is my favourite way to put the cherry on top of my argument, because I guess I just like a little sass.)
6) Responding to your introvert's silence with concern is unnecessary, and after a while, annoying. Occasionally you catch your introvert zoning out and staring off into space with whatever "cute" little face or another they make when they're not listening (don't pretend not to know what I'm talking about; the slightly parted lips, or the tongue poking out, or the furrowed brows, or the squinty eyes... whatever) and then you give the dreaded "Hey, are you okay?" The first time you do this, we shake our heads a little and smile at you. "Oh, haha, I'm fine..." maybe. And the second, third, fourth, fifth... times? A small smile, a mumbled "I'm fine". After you've asked us for the millionth time if we're "okay" or "fine", we are trying to refrain from rolling our eyes in our heads. Unless you notice that your introvert is crying, has stopped breathing, is possibly bleeding from an orifice or another, or something equally gruesome and worrying, we're fine. We look fine, right? Whatever "fine" means.
7) Be okay with the first move. Chances are, you had to make the first move with your introvert anyways. It is highly unlikely your introvert spotted you in a crowd, knew they had to have you, jumped up and came over to introduce his or herself to you. (Just typing that made me go "blech!") Even if your introvert saw you first, they probably sat on their hands and stared at you with all their might, willing you to notice them back. Initiating is not particularly an introvert way of life. Phone calls, conversations, relationships; chances are your introvert wasn't the first one. It doesn't mean they didn't want to be. Personally, I'll see guys I'm interested in... and literally just sneak glances at them until it becomes unhealthy and a little creepy, and then I'll spend about ten minutes thinking of some less mortifying way of getting their attention. Usually I'll be thinking so long that I'll look up and the poor object of my obsession has gone about his business without even noticing me. Sucks.
8) You'd like to take your introvert to dinner at a fancy restaurant and a movie? Your introvert is thinking 'eek!' Maybe a nice night in? Some dinner, something to drink, a movie (and then some amazing introvert sex *hint hint* jk) instead? Going out to dinner would require mentally prepping to go out, possibly bumping into someone they know, wondering about all the possible social interaction that could take place. Your introvert could handle it, but you could also stay in and have some of that amazing introvert se-... I mean, just kidding. (*cough*) Your introvert's idea of a "date" is probably binge-watching an entire season of some quirky comedy on Netflix and eating some kind of food off a napkin, like pizza and fried rice. (Or is that just me?)
9) Understand and appreciate your introvert. If you wanted someone to put on your arm and parade around at a party, you will be pretty disappointed to discover that you have picked the wrong person. Know that they are best at one-on-one conversations, they make good listeners... and appreciate these things about your introvert. I promise you introverts are worth the time and effort it takes to love us.
-
This really does feel like a longer post than it needed to be, but it's minutes to six in the morning and this is my favourite time of the day because the Sun is rising and there's light barely peeking through my curtains and the world is still and it's almost like believing in magic. I'm incredibly proud of myself for setting a blog goal to complete a two-part series that has to do with "blog honesty" (big up my amazing fellow blogger friend who has turned this concept into a 'thing' because it has literally changed the way I write, and I view and value what I write about myself... you know yourself, and I appreciate you a whole lot) and then actually completing the task. Now I'm going to go to sleep.
No comments:
Post a Comment