A year can change everything. In a year, I've gone from here to there to here again. A year ago we were in an undefined relationship, pretty crazy about each other (I guess, but I can't speak for you) and literally giving no fucks and living life.
Now, a year later, we tried the relationship and failed and just harbour terrible feelings towards each other for all the mean things we said and did when we were too hurt to care whose feelings we were hurting.
But this wasn't supposed to be a long post, or a negative post. My mood tonight is tentative. It's good but it's fragile. I was just thinking about how a year changed so many things. Maybe a year from now I will look back, not hating you or resenting you, and be in a really good place.
Maybe a year from now I'll be in love with myself and happily single. Oh, God, I hope that's where I am a year from now.
I'm home for the weekend because nothing is better than being around people who love you and support you and care about you in ways you need to be loved, supported and cared for. I've been fed curry chicken, tucked into bed, hugged and cuddled. I fell asleep on my brother's bed and he covered me with a comforter and left me to sleep for hours because apparently I'm wearing my problems on my face and carrying sorrows in the bags under my eyes. My mommy has taken away the little stack of textbooks and instructed that I use this weekend like a vacation and take care of myself first. My daddy is being more gentle than usual.
I agree. Maybe I need to spend more time taking care of myself.
I ain't got nothing but time, and that's okay.
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