I need the motivation to get off my ass and exercise more often... and

I don't understand why it's not okay to be emotionally withdrawn.

Why isn't it okay to just want to do what I need to do to get out of this place faster? To leave with fewer casualties of my grenade explosion. I'm a trainwreck. What's wrong with wanting to be an empty train?

On my list of priorities, jumping into another relationship falls somewhere between 'eating a raw egg' and 'reading Twilight backwards'. Getting married? Sounds like a bad idea. Having kids? I don't think so.

I don't want to need people. I don't want to want people. As a matter of fact, I need to learn to let go of people who don't want to be held on to. I need to grow a spine and stop behaving like a little child.

Emotions are messy and people are confusing. But books? Books never change their minds, books never sleep with the neighbour, books never get drunk and gamble away your lives together. But a book? A book is about as solid and as dependable as the very paper and the ink it's made from.

You can never have high expectations of a book. You can't think a book loves you more than it actually does. A book can't break up with you after twenty years. A book can't cheat on you. A book can't kill you in your sleep.

Sounds like books are the way to go.

Plus, I think I'm quite generous. It's a good thing that I like to pull away from people. I mean, I'm confusing and broken and damaged. I could write an entire post about how broken and damaged I am, but I won't. And those I don't hurt, I push away.

And I'm honest to God sick and tired of being that girl who hurts people.

Another thing I don't understand is this: the friendzone. These thirsty jerks who complain to me about "friendzoning" them don't seem to get it.

I've been approached many times by boys who complain very bitterly about being placed in the friendzone, either by me or by someone else. One had the audacity to say to me: "If yuh nuh waah be mi girl, mi nuh waah be your friend."

And I've heard the cliche: "Saying 'let's be friends' is the same as 'the dog died but you can still keep it'.." and I am calling it. Bullshit. See? I called it.

How is my (or anyone else's) friendship comparable to a dead dog? I assure you, it is not the same as rotting animal flesh marred with the stain of death and decay.

My friendship is not a consolation prize for my vagina. If I consider you a friend, despite your romantic interest in me, then why do you feel as though I'm giving you some sloppy, half-assed gift?

You best be grateful you ain't get a restraining order.

Yours withdrawnly,
me.